The Happiness PhD Project (Encyclopedia)

We think: when everything is right with the world, then I’ll feel good. But it's the opposite: when I feel good, everything is right with the world.

Tony De Mello has the distinct classification of spiritual contemplative, Jesuit priest and psychotherapist.

His book — Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality — is the only book I’ve seen recommended by Eckhart Tolle, Tim Ferris, and Naval Ravikant. At a glance it doesn’t sound like it’s about happiness. But it’s about just that: a wake-up call for happiness.

Through awareness, we discover the happiness that’s already here. It’s a matter of waking up to the happiness that’s right in front of us and having the right “food” to sustain it.

This essay summarizes the key points of the book. (Warning - Tony offers sort of a spiritual tough love, be ready for the challenge…)

Wake Up First

Tony emphasizes that all of this is about waking up.

Most of us go through life relatively asleep. We are caught up in the games we’re so busy playing and the stories that we’ve constructed for ourselves. Here’s the wake-up call – these games, thoughts, beliefs, stories, expectations, norms, etc. are not reality.

They’re all made up.

They’re intangible things made up by people like us.

Many religious traditions talk about enlightenment. Here’s a Tony-ism story about waking up. There’s a homeless man who lays down beside the river. He’s starving and cold. As he is about to fall asleep a brand new Cadillac pulls up beside him. A beautiful young lady steps out and says “it’s so cold out here and you look hungry, why don’t you come back with me and I’ll take care of you”.

So they arrive at a beautiful mansion outside the city. He has a great dinner and is shown to the warm, cozy guest room. As he settles in for bed he hears a knock on his door and it opens slightly. The beautiful young lady steps in wearing an undone silk robe.

“I thought you might be a little lonely,” she says, “so why don’t I keep you company tonight.” As she climbs into bed he rolls over and falls right into the river.

Wake up! That’s enlightenment! The most important thing, the foundation for wisdom and happiness, is awareness.

Awareness is a willingness to face reality and practice self-observation without judgement.

4 Steps to Lasting Happiness

Once we have awareness, Tony offers four steps to lasting happiness.